Oh Taylor Swift, why must you toy with my emotions? I was perfectly comfortable being bothered by every aspect of your existence. I was fine being irritated with your dating history and the jar of hearts you’ve collected from entertainment’s cutest boys. Annoyed with your voice? Sure. Can’t stand to look at you? You betcha.
Now? Everything. Has. Changed.
Surely “Shake it Off” must have been a fluke right? So, you have one catchy pop song as you leave country music. Your new album is available at Target with exclusive “songwriting voice memos.” What idiot would want to listen to that nonsense? The news from earlier this week? Taylor is now the goodwill ambassador for New York City. Well that news basically broke my “I CAN’T EVEN” meter. Today, comes another new song from T-Swizzle: “Blank Space.” So, I says to myself: “self, she must be talking about the cavern between her ears.” That’s pretty clever, self. So, I reach to turn down the song and BAM- I’m hooked. Just. Like. That. Oh, someone save me from this rollercoaster of emotions! FINE- you win. I can’t fight it anymore.
Taylor Swift: I wish I could quit you.